Emilie Meyer
Asexuality, or ace, is a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction. Asexual people can still experience romantic attraction and be in romantic relationships, and they may also masturbate or have sex. Pansexuality, or pan, is a sexual orientation where a person is sexually attracted to people of any gender. Pansexual people may or may not be romantically attracted to people and may or may not be interested in romantic relationships. A person can be both asexual and panromantic, meaning they experience romantic attraction towards people of any gender but do not experience sexual attraction.
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What You'll Learn
Pansexual vs. Panromantic
Pansexual and panromantic are two different things, but they are closely linked, and there can be an overlap. Pansexuality is a sexual attraction to people of all genders, while panromanticism is a romantic attraction to people of all genders.
A person who is pansexual feels sexually attracted to people of any gender, and their sexual attraction is not dependent on gender. Pansexuality explicitly rejects gender as a determining factor in attraction. This means that gender does not factor into whether a pansexual person is attracted to someone. However, this does not necessarily mean that a pansexual person is attracted to everyone.
On the other hand, a person who is panromantic feels romantically attracted to people of all genders. They can imagine themselves in a deep, committed relationship with someone of any gender. However, this does not mean that they are romantically attracted to everyone. It simply means that gender does not play a role in their romantic attraction.
It is important to note that romantic and sexual attractions are not always linked. A person can experience one without the other. For example, a panromantic person may only feel occasional sexual attraction or may not experience sexual attraction at all. Similarly, a pansexual person may only feel romantic attraction towards certain genders.
Pansexual and panromantic are two distinct identities on the LGBTQ+ spectrum of sexual orientation. They are valid ways for people to identify themselves and understand their feelings. These terms help individuals connect with others who share similar experiences and feelings. While there is an overlap between the two, it is not always the case that a pansexual person is also panromantic or vice versa. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to choose the label that best suits their experiences and feelings.
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Asexual vs. Aromantic
Asexuality and aromanticism are two different things, and it is possible to be one, the other, or both. Asexuality is a sexual orientation defined by a lack of sexual attraction. Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction and have little to no desire to have sexual relationships with other people. However, asexuality is a spectrum, and some asexual people feel more sexual attraction than others. Asexual people may still have sex, as sex drive or 'libido' is different from sexual orientation.
Aromanticism, on the other hand, is a romantic orientation characterised by a lack of romantic attraction. Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction and have little to no desire to form a romantic relationship with anyone. However, like asexuality, aromanticism is also a spectrum. Aromantics may still desire love and intimacy, but they seek it in non-romantic forms. They may still end up in romantic or semi-romantic relationships for various reasons, such as wanting to have children or not wanting to live alone.
Some people identify as both aromantic and asexual, and they may experience little to no sexual or romantic attraction. However, this does not mean that they do not get into romantic relationships or have sex. Aromantic asexual people might still have romantic or sexual relationships depending on their feelings, as there are many motivations for having sex or getting into a relationship beyond attraction.
It is important to note that what is considered sexual attraction and what is considered romantic attraction can be quite subjective and complicated, and these experiences can vary from person to person.
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Coming out as panromantic asexual
Coming out is a very personal decision. You may find it helpful or cathartic to come out to your loved ones, but it is never necessary. If you decide to come out as panromantic asexual, there are two aspects to explain to your loved ones: the romantic and the sexual.
Romantic aspect
Panromantic refers to your romantic orientation, or who you are romantically attracted to. Panromantic people can be romantically attracted to people of any gender, including men, women, non-binary, bigender, agender, and non-gender folks. This does not mean that you are attracted to all people; rather, it means that gender identity is not a factor in whether or not you are attracted to someone.
Sexual aspect
Asexual refers to your sexual orientation, or who you are sexually attracted to. Asexual people do not experience sexual attraction to anyone. However, asexuality is a spectrum, and different people who identify as asexual may feel differently about sexual activities. Some asexual people may find the idea of sex repulsive and choose not to partake in any sexual activity, while others may be sex-neutral or sex-positive. Some asexual people may have a libido and masturbate but not desire sex with others.
Coming out to loved ones
When coming out to your family, you may want to clarify that you are able to feel romantic attraction towards any gender, but that does not mean you have romantic feelings for everyone. It can also be helpful to specify that being panromantic is about being attracted to individuals, not genders.
Coming out to potential partners
It is important to discuss your asexual orientation with any potential partners. Healthy relationships involve open communication about sex, and you should not feel pressured to participate in sexual activity that makes you uncomfortable. Coming out to a potential partner as asexual can help you both make informed decisions before entering a relationship.
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Stereotypes about panromantic asexual people
Stereotype: Panromantic asexual people are "frigid"
Fact: Asexual people can have sex if they want. Being asexual does not mean a person has no libido or a lack of interest in sexual activity. Asexuality refers to a spectrum of varying degrees of sexual attraction or desire for partnered sexuality. Some asexual people may find the idea of sex repulsive, while others may be sex-neutral or sex-positive. Additionally, asexual people have the right to turn down sexual advances, and communication is essential in any relationship involving an asexual person.
Stereotype: Panromantic asexual people are attracted to everyone romantically
Fact: Panromantic asexual people can be romantically attracted to people of any gender, but this does not mean they are attracted to everyone. Their romantic attraction is based on individuals, not genders. It is important to understand that romantic and sexual attraction are different, and panromantic asexual people may experience varying levels of romantic attraction that are not solely based on gender.
Stereotype: Panromantic asexual people cannot form relationships with sexual people
Fact: While it may create challenges, panromantic asexual people can be in relationships with sexual partners. Good communication is key to navigating these relationships, as it helps both parties understand each other's needs and boundaries. It is important to remember that relationships can take many forms, including platonic, spiritual, familial, and intellectual connections.
Stereotype: Panromantic asexual people must choose a specific label
Fact: Panromantic asexual individuals may use different labels to describe their orientation. Some may identify simply as asexual, while others may use the term panromantic asexual. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide which label, if any, feels most comfortable and accurate for them. Self-identification is a personal process, and it is important to respect an individual's chosen label.
Stereotype: Panromantic asexual people experience no sexual attraction
Fact: While panromantic asexual people rarely feel sexual attraction, it is important to note that this can vary. Some may never experience sexual attraction, while others may experience it under specific circumstances, such as within a strong emotional connection. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and individuals may have different levels of comfort with sexual activities.
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Curiosity vs. desire
Asexuality, or being "ace", is a sexual orientation characterised by a lack of sexual attraction to others. Aces may, however, experience romantic attraction, and so may identify as hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, bi-romantic, or pan-romantic. For example, a person may be asexual and biromantic, experiencing romantic attraction to people of more than one gender without experiencing sexual attraction.
Pansexuality, or being "pan", is also a sexual orientation, and people who identify as pan experience romantic attraction to people of all genders. Pansexual people are interested in romance, regardless of the gender of their partner.
When it comes to curiosity vs. desire, it's important to remember that asexuality is about attraction, not action. In other words, it's how you feel, not what you do. Some aces are curious about sex, and some even engage in sexual activity. However, curiosity is not the same as desire. Wondering what sex is like does not mean that you're feeling sexual attraction.
If you are trying to figure out whether you are asexual or pansexual, it may be helpful to consider whether you experience sexual attraction, and whether gender plays a role in your interest. If you don't experience sexual attraction but are interested in romance, you may identify as asexual. If you are open to dating people of any gender but don't find sex very exciting or interesting, you might be a panromantic asexual.
Remember, only you can decide whether or not you're asexual or pansexual, because you know how you feel. It's okay to take your time and do some research and self-reflection before deciding on a label. You don't have to come out or tell anyone until you feel comfortable doing so.
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Frequently asked questions
Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction. Asexual people may or may not masturbate or have sex. They may or may not find people attractive or beautiful. They may or may not be interested in romantic relationships.
Panromantic is a romantic orientation where a person can feel romantically attracted to people of any gender.
Pansexuality is a sexual orientation where a person feels sexual attraction to people of any gender.
Yes, a person can be both asexual and panromantic. They may experience romantic attraction towards people of any gender but not sexual attraction.
Asexuality is characterised by a lack of sexual attraction. You may be asexual if you do not think about sex much, do not find it exciting, do not get "urges", and do not find pornography interesting. You may be pansexual if you are interested in people regardless of their gender.
